my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i love accidental penises.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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