Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
