i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
