He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hippo gnu deer
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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