did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
