hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dick very happy bro
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
