This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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