I think im going to throw up on grandma
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
