I'm going to jail i love you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
