So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
