you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
