this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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