i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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