why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
