nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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