so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
