I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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