btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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