At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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