I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
