I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
