I'm drive I can fine osifer
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
