I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
