There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
