I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
