Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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