K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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