So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize