I wish I only lived at night.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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