White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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