I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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