omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize