so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
honey bunches of taint.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
