Say something about gay babies.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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