I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize