..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
