I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize