there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
