The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
