Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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