I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
