Sry I called you an 8
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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