i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize