Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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