Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
