Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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