if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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