She said her name was "party"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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