i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
