i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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