Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
