I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
