How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
