So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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