i just sent this text using only my big toe
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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