if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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