I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
