you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
