Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
