she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
