yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
