Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
