If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize