Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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