All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just threw up on my dentist
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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