Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
