i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
