I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
