I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize