glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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