Just cropdusted the office
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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