we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
