My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
