thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What a dumb baby whore.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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