And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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