You just made me feel so damn special
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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