You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
