He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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