My hand turned me down
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
