my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
