Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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