Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
