K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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