dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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