Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
