my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
