My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
