We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize