Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
