why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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