What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
