why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
