This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
