you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
