Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
