YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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