After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's get the cat blown out
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
