im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
