I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
