Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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