I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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