i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
