i don't plan on having that self control this summer
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize