Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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