I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think your dad took our porno
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
