I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
