i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Randomize
