you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
