I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
