Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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