Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
