i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
