seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
