It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
