I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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