Well douche your snatch and let's go!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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