you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
