your room smells of hookers.
And success
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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