I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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