Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
