Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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